


Don't Laugh

by DeepShadows2



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, Pick-Up Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepShadows2/pseuds/DeepShadows2
Summary: Something fun I came up with while goofing around.Hermione has seen the students playing a fun game and she wants to see how well her husband is at it.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 29
Kudos: 169





	Don't Laugh

He let her lead him by the hand toward the front of the room.

He didn't know why he indulged her so much, but it always seemed to turn out well for him in the end. 

"Please, it is a fun game I noticed the students playing. It will be just you and me, okay." Hermione explained, pulling one of the stools in front of his desk.

He rolled his eyes, sitting down as she guided him to do. "Why on earth do you want to play a game with me?"

"Please, Severus," Hermione said, pushing her lips out in a pout. 

_The things he did for his wife to keep her happy._

"Merlin, Woman, you could bring down mountains with that pout. Tell me the rules." Severus relented, and he could see that she was elated.

She put her hands on his hands, grinning from ear to ear. "It's called 'Don't Laugh.'"

"I think I may win this game," Severus smirked, crossing his arms. If there was something he could do, it was keeping from laughing at something. He had remarkable control, he told himself.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "That's why you are going first."

"So how does it work."

Hermione summoned a glass of water, handing it to him. "You take a drink of water and hold it in your mouth. I have to try my hardest to get you to laugh. If you spit out the water, I win."

"That sounds unsanitary." He grimaced, not liking the idea of spitting water all over the place if she did manage to make him laugh.

She crossed her arms, her eyes flicking over him. "Severus, please think of the places my mouth has been before you make such a statement."

"Playing dirty now." He hummed, making himself look suitably abashed at her comments.

She grinned. "I haven't even started. Go on, take a drink."

"Very well." Severus took the glass, pulling water into his mouth. Closing his lips, he set the glass down and looked at her, indicating that he was ready.

Hermione shimmied with glee and smirked at him. His wife slid up next to him, whispering into his ear. "Let's practice Alohamora...you can be the door, so I can _bang_ you all I want!"

His eyebrows went to his hairline. Severus was expecting jokes, not cheesy parlor pick-up lines from her. If the students were playing this, he would be doling out many detentions.

She bit her lip, and he inhaled through his nose, steadying his reserve. He'd lived in a boy's dorm, he could muster through this without laughing. There was nothing that she could say that he had not already heard.

She grabbed hold of his teaching robes, grinning wildly. "I'm not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you reckon I could still visit your restricted section tonight?"

He remained calm, holding the water in his mouth. Severus was stubborn. He was not going to lose a silly children's game to his wife.

Hermione looked into his eyes, her brown one's sparkling with mischief.

"You must be the maker of skele-gro because you're giving me a boner."

He almost lost it. 

Never, in his years, did he foresee he'd hear her utter such nonsense. But he pursed his lips and let his face get red. 

Hermione seemed to notice that she almost had him, and she chuckled.

"Girl, are you sure you're a muggle cause I'd swear that ass is _magical_!"

That was it. Severus's resolve was not what he thought it was as his wife smacked his bottom. 

The rupture of laughter from him had water spilling all over the stone floor.

"Victory," Hermione shouted, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in for a wet and messy kiss.

Severus wiped his mouth after kissing her, trying to remove the excess water. "You are absurd to levels I did not expect imaginable."

His reward was a cheeky grin. "But I won."

Not letting her go, he grinned, cupping her face close to him. "How about we make a deal?"

"Yes?" Hermione whispered, placing another kiss on his lips.

Severus pulled her close to his, his lips moving to the shell of her ear. "If I get you to spit out the water with one line, you and I get to attempt that Alohamora suggestion of yours."

He felt her shudder, and she drew back, her face pink, now instead of triumphant red. "I doubt you can get me to laugh with just one line."

"Are you scared, Madam Snape? Lost your Gryffindor Courage?" He teased her, his fingers moving through her hair.

Hermione pushed away from him. "Funny, Mister Snape. You are on."

He bowed to her, gesturing to the chair. Severus had a plan, and he knew there was no way he was going to lose.

"Please, take a seat, get comfortable." He purred, grabbing the glass of water for her.

Hermione took it from him, looking suspicious. "You are up to something."

"You are the one who wanted to play this game, my dear." He played coy, crossing his hands behind his back. 

He began to pace around her slowly, watching her follow him with her eyes.

"And I have a feeling that you are luring me into a trap." Hermione smiled, crossing one leg over the other on the stool.

"Maybe, or maybe I know what I am doing. Go on, drink." He urged her.

Hermione Snape tipped the glass back, taking water into her mouth and setting the glass on his desk defiantly.

"Ready?" He asked her, and she nodded, her hands in her lap.

Severus rounded her, leaning his head close to her ear. In the most seductive voice he could muster, he breathed against her ear. "Girls call me _Aguamenti_. Every time they hear my name, they get wet."

The room was covered in water as she started cackling and coughing.

Severus was never so glad to have heard Sirius Black use that line on every female in his 5th-year.

The bastard had been right.

Worked _every_ time.


End file.
